not your average bookstore

I knew the topic right away but wanted to dive into my ever wonderful world of the internet answers to find some research behind me. Hey, it's a touchy subject. Girl wants to have her back covered. But, in doing so, I found that the word I'm looking for isn't polygamous. Dear everyone else who was unaware of this, this is the Ethical Slut. Think about it for a moment. Got it? Ok. Like I said, controversial. But hang in there with me. Come on a trip of discovery with me ...

Once so taboo now I'm not so sure. Then again, wasn't being gay considered taboo at one time ... not too far long ago? And even still is today to select people and groups. Minorities have been overpowering over the years. Yes, it's always going to be hard with certain people but in the end we're here and we're living better lives than our ancestors. Loving is coming into light. If I've learned anything in my little 21 years it's that love is fluid. There are no restrictions and there shouldn't be because it's the thing that makes life worth living. There is the love you have for your friends. For your family. Different from your mother to your aunt to your great grandfather on your dad's side. For your lover. Some love the same sex. The opposite. Both. One. Two. More. Men who were born women. Vice versa. Animals too. Carpet munching lions. Fudge packer giraffes.

What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would they insist on being recognized for their ethics? In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term. But isn't it interesting that the analogous word "stud," used to describe a highly sexual man, is often a term of approval and envy? So women all over are reclaiming the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. Sluts may choose to have solo sex or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.

Ok, you're probably like "Shit, Shane, what are you talking about? What are you up to now?" Right? Yeah, I figured. Just for future reference, I want to have one lover to spend my life with and raise a family with. What I want right now isn't up for discussion. I'm still figuring it out.

Those who set off down the path of exploring new kinds of relationships and new lifestyles often find themselves blocked by beliefs - about the way society should be, the way relationships should be, the way people should be - that are both deeply rooted and unexamined. We have all been taught that one way of relating is the only right way; lifelong monogamous heterosexual marriage. We are told that all of that is "normal" and "natural"; if our desires don't fit into that constraint, we're obviously either morally deficient, psychologically disturbed, or (my personal favorite) "going against nature." What was it that my grandmother told me when I was about 12 years old? Oh yeah. "Chelsea, every girl can find a nice boy."Yeah, we all see how well that worked out.

"Beliefs about this traditional marriage date from agrarian cultures, where you made everything you ate or wore or used, where large extended families helped get this huge amount of work done so nobody starved, and where marriage was a working proposition. When we talk about "traditional family values," isn't this the family we should be talking about? An extended family of grandparents and aunts and cousins, an organization to accomplish the work of staying alive. Curiously, controlling sexual behavior didn't seem to be that important outside the propertied classes until the Industrial Revolution, which started a whole new era of sex-negativity. Maybe because of the rising middle class and the limited space for children in urban cities. Doctors and ministers in the late eighteenth century even began to claim that masturbation was unhealthy and and sinful. The most innocent of sexual outlets was dangerous to society." We even had manuals to show pregnant women how to keep their unborn children from touching their genitals in their sleep. Really?

"But human nature will win out. We are horny creatures, and the more sexually repressive a culture becomes, the more outrageous its covert sexual thoughts and behaviors will become, as any fan of Victorian porn can attest."

Test #1, Make a list of all the people you can find who are not monogamous or have trouble staying monogamous, including characters from TV, movies, books, and so on. How do you feel about each of them? What can you learn (positive or negative) from him or her?

Here are a couple a no joke, completely legit gimme's. Now find your own! David Letterman (you old dog!) Woody Allen. Liz Taylor. Brad Pitt (Like you didn't know! It was all over the media when Brad took up with Angelina on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Too bad Mrs. Pitt - also known as Jennifer Aniston, aka Rachel from friends - was also in the picture. Not for long though. Brad dumped Jen in 2005 and Brangelina was born. And none of the players have been out of the tabloids since.)

Voodoo! Taboo!

I'm too tired to write anymore so this is going to be a blog through the book titled "The Ethical Slut". You can find it in either your local bookstore (maybe ... if you live in california ... in san francisco. No, that wasn't a shot at your homo-tendencies, California. Wouldn't want you to get offended since you ran back in the closet on that bill. ANYWAY! Or you can find it on google. :)