straighten up.

There are always people who make you really reflect. Always in different ways. My favorite is to reflect on friendships. It took me a while to realize that people have treated me like shit. People who I confided in. People who I cared about. People who I thought cared about me. And maybe they did. But they had the worst ways of showing it to me. Maybe it's how they were brought up. Take care of yourself and fuck everyone else.

Fend for yourself and survive ... or don't at all. 

Simple enough. 

But it breaks hearts. 

It hurts views.

All for one ...

fuck the second part.

Sometimes people walk into your life, stay there, and make no difference. Then others walk in for a moment and change you forever. Let's hold tight to the change and the cause. Meet me in the middle of the night, bring some coffee and cigarettes, and talk till the sun rises. Lose time with me and make me remember what it means to have someone who cares.

This is new to me because while I've always had friends, always got along with everyone, I always found it hard to be friends with and become "one of the girls". I lost a lot of girl friends when I came out and it scarred me, made me wonder if I could ever be truly close with someone like that again.

What are they thinking? 

Are they afraid I'm going to hit on them? 

Do they think I'm crushing? 

Can I compliment them without there being a hidden agenda?

Do they want the friendship I want or are they nervous? 

Scared even.

We share hearts, 

tears, 

laughter.

We aren't breaking rules beneath the stars.

We are making our own

rules,

inside jokes,

shoulders to lean on.

Stay here a moment longer. I want to lay in the friendship we've created; swim in the words we've shared. The ease is present as I open up and allow my words, uncensored, to flow from my lips to your ears and I can feel you listening to me. I can feel you taking it in. And you have no idea what it all means to me. How much I really appreciate it.

Take a drag of my mind.

Inhale 

my thoughts, 

views, 

experiences.
And I'll do the same for you.

Friendship caught in my throat.
You're making me feel again.