eleanor rigby.

I can feel the phone vibrate inside my pocket, my curiosity begins to highten, but I refuse to read the words coming from the other end. I won't let her get to me but it's too late. The child that is no longer inside me still kicks, she still cries. I can still feel her. All of her. Her absence is a daily reminder of the emptiness that now envelopes the space where she once was. The gun is breathing down your neck, their lights are on, flags are hanging outside of houses warning you to stay away from their daughters, they WILL find you, and you WILL pay. You can't run, you can't hide, and you will NEVER forget. I will make sure of that. I've learned to let go of people and I already have one lost girl on my mind. Why does she continue to text and remind me? We both knew this was coming. I'm sick of the guilt trips and the mind games. Life is confusing enough without your needles of change piercing my skin and attempting to remind me that I don't know you anymore.

I looked in the mirror today and scared myself. There are times that I don't know who I am anymore. There are times that I feel like I'm just living this life in someone else's body and I don't know her; going about HER day. It's a scary thing when you realize that you have to find yourself because even you don't know anymore. But it's not so scary when someone helps you realize that it doesn't have to be scary because I have come to realize that there are so many people who love me and care about me and I feel the same for them. I'm finally happy with who I've become, now I just need to figure out who that person is.

I can't wait for the day that I look in the mirror and see myself looking back; someone I know, someone I'm happy with, and someone I even love. My friend taught me that you need to learn to love yourself or you'll never be satisfied. You know that saying, "You have to love yourself before you can love another person"? Well, I get it now. I understand. I know what I have to do and ...

my journey starts here.