puppet show.

Sitting under the stars, I look to the sky and wonder where you are. A glimmer flashes across the sky and my eyes close. I hide in my thoughts and make a wish to outshine the rest. Squinting, I catch a glimpse of a far off silhouette on the edge of the moon. Hand raised, pleading to be recognized. I lift my arms up, let my eyes close again, and go inside myself to a part I rarely allow myself to visit.

I feel the ground disappear beneath my feet as my body is lifted up. All of my energy is forced through my bones, skin, muscle. All in order to reach the space that you occupy in the clouds. Your smile fades as I climb the rope to where you stand. Tears begin to fill your eyes and the sun catches a flash in your hands. Reach down and cut me loose. Let me fall back down. I was so close. I was almost there.

But your heart had other plans, 

other ambitions, 

a hidden agenda.

The ground hits me harder each time. I try to reach for you but your life is closed to me. Your heart and mind no longer hold a chair for me. The place I used to have on your front porch is now home to a black hole. Trying to fill the space and I just get sucked back into the vortex.

Hope lingered in my throat and I had to catch it, not let it escape. I think I knew you would trick me. I think I knew you would hurt me.

You never mean to. If I look close enough, I can clearly see the thin strands that are now attached to your wrists and ankles. Puppet dear, use those scissors for something useful. But I can't tell you what to do. I can't voice my hope or my desire.

I lost that privlege long ago. 

I just want to know why you keep me here. Why your voice visits me in my sleep, begging me to join the stars time and time again. Just to be pushed off the ladder, just to fall back down. I can hear the smile in your voice through the reciever again, I can hear the longing for what used to be there.

Give it time, puppet. That longing will soon be pulled from your lungs and the smile will be replaced with a rasping cough, a feeble attempt to keep the tears from falling. Have you already forgotten that I know you well enough to know how it ends? Have you already forgotten that I know what it means the moment your voice changes? And my heart sinks every time. Like I expected something different. Don't ask why because I don't know the answer. I ask myself all the time.

So why do I keep hitting the talk button?

Because I don't want to let this go. I have enough pride and respect to know that what we had aside from our romance was real and true and you know me in a way that no one else ever will. Find yourself on my porch steps at the end of your life and you'll see me there, sitting next to a vacant chair. It's here waiting for you.

Whenever you're ready to accept it. 

Whenever you're ready to admit it. 

Whenever you're ready to answer that wish.

Don't make any promises though. Remember, I know how it ends.