why yellow hasn't mixed with blue in a long time. universal questions only, people.

So today really was my day. Things I want to talk about and things that I'd rather keep to myself. One update is good enough for now.

Jess is gone.

Ok, she's not the one that's physically gone but it feels like she is. We talked about our friendship today via phone conversation (she didn't like 'Broken Romance' too much) and finally put an end to it all ... every cent of it. I don't know how much she lost but I lost damn near $100,000,000,000.

NOTICE TO READERS: I did not post 'Broken Romance' to color her in a poor light or make her out to be the bad guy. I was merely venting from the conversation we had. Jess is not a bad person, she's actually one of the most amazing people I've ever known and I'm proud to have been able to call her my best friend for the years that I could ...

Now those days seem so fleeting. I want to give our friendship 110% effort and 150% chance but I needed to know if I was the only one who wanted that so I asked her if she wanted to try to fix this and move forward as friends or leave it all behind and pretty much call it quits. She chose quits. I guess I can't really blame her. I did a lot of pushing her away and now it's finally done for real. So why is there this little man sitting on my shoulder, crying, scared to death? Why he's a man, I have no idea. I'm all for women's rights and ... I'm getting off topic.

Jess ...

Seriously the best thing that ever happened to me. Or should I say "best person that ever happened to me"? Just doesn't sound right, I guess. ANYWAY! She always made me laugh. Her sarcasm is endless and, if you know anything about me, you know how I deeply love sarcasm. Her smile stretched for miles and knocked everyone off their feet when she showed her pearly whites. On a side note; I could say anything to her and she'd never think it was strange (a great example would be how we both used to talk freely about how we couldn't stand bad teeth - when someone has that kind of ailment, you just can't help but stare and it's frustrating! Get a toothbrush, man!). She's smart as hell and is kicking ass at one of the best schools around, Barnard. She was always the gal that got me by when I was struggling, always there for me no matter what. Like I said, there is no one to match her.

My heart is heavier than usual tonight on the subject, knowing that this might very well be the end of the best friendship of all time. Well, of my time. Sure, friends come and go but what happened to the important ones sticking around and fighting it out with you? For you? For the friendship?

I'm just happy she was finally honest with me ...