I miss you so much that my body and stomach ache to just feel you, feel how it feels to be in your arms. I'm laying here, in the only occupied spot of my bed, watching you sleep and I can feel everything inside of my body being pulled in your direction. Through the screen and sliding in next to you. Gentle or I'll wake you. Feeling you breathe beneath my arm sends warmth through my fingertips and the sensation travels through my entire body. I can close my eyes and feel the fabric of your clothing on my bare arm and neck and I want to nuzzle deeper, try to get so far in that I'll never come back. So deep I can stay there forever. You mumble something briefly and I imagine what it will feel like to lay next to you at night and hear that muffled language right next to my ear.
I can feel your arms wrapping tighter around my body when I close my eyes and half expect to be next to you when I open them again. I'm not one for patience, this you know, but I am willing to wait for this. It will be the best kept surprise I ever keep because I'm bound to catch my breath when it finally happens; swept off my feet all over again, feeling the surprise that it still feels just like it did the first time. I never want to stop feeling this for you. I never want to wake up or open my eyes. Can we stay intertwined in this dream of the future? Just a moment longer and then you can do the important things like finals and school and graduating and work. But for now, hold me tight and keep your eyes closed.
Our day will come soon. I know this. But remember when I said patience wasn't my strong suit? You'll have to work with me on this. It's not going to be easy but nothing worth it ever comes easily. You're the most worth it addition to my life I have encountered. I don't want to lose that bond, that connection. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine.
I should have given this to you a while ago but you know these promises aren't new. You knew then too but I want you too be able to look down and see the metallic symbolism anytime you forget or just need a reason to smile. I want this to be a promise. So I want you to know it's from my heart. It's not a decision to keep a promise or not to. If you make that promise, you keep it. Let me keep you? I promise to do the following:
1. Understand fully that nothing comes easy that is worth something amazing.
2. Remind you anytime you forget that I love you.
3. Treat you in the way you deserve.
4. Always be faithful to you.
5. Take you in my arms when you're crying or upset and try to make everything better or just sit there with you, listening to you talk.
6. Sit up at night every once in a while to just watch you sleep.
7. Keep our apartment clean when we move in together.
8. Show you every day that I was a good choice and make you proud.
9. Hold your hand when we're walking even two feet.
10. Let the hermit crabs out every once in a while.
11. Blow raspberries on your tummy ... an neck ... and arms. :)
12. See fireworks every time we kiss even if it's just a peck.
13. Let you get TWO animals of your choice when we get a HOUSE. ;)
14. Keep you warm every winter.
15. Go to the beach with you every summer after I get a car ... even before California.
16. Cuddle with you every night when we have our own place.
17. Help make you feel at home wherever we are.
18. Never stop giving you grand gestures (I couldn't even if I wanted to) :)
19. Never stop giving you the little things too.
20. Let you decorate the kitchen however you want.
21. Let you teach me how to cook.
22. Cook for you just as often as you cook for me. (That's not saying it's all going to be good)
23. Let you rant and rave to me whenever you have a bad day.
24. Take care of you when you're all sick and pukey and helpless (whether you're sick or just sloshed) ;)
25. To not break any of these promises.
To infinity and beyond?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
watching the lessons unfold.
Love is a dance; a song that won't dare to be sung. It's impossible to put all the feelings in a single note. Splay out the sheet music and begin the orchestra.
My arms were wrapped around you and I was unaware of what I was beginning, what new path was about to be walked. You opened my eyes and let the beauty in. Now we're here, starting to realize what we're holding. So close. So far away. So exciting and new. We're frozen, speechless, and wondering what will happen next. I had a feeling this was going to lead somewhere amazing. My eyes wouldn't leave your smile, your eyes, your face, your hair, your hands, your body; you. My feet wouldn't touch the ground to walk away. My keys wouldn't go in the ignition right. Driving away, I felt the urge to push down on the break. Just one more smile, one more thought, one more kiss. Curfew was calling my name but I wanted to keep that moment, bottle it up and hide it away. Somewhere far where time doesn't matter anymore and it's just this moment, right here and now.
We talked about families and friends, entered into another person's world. I thought those doors were closed for me yet here you are, opening my mind and heart as easily as if you had the right key. You were hiding it, waiting for me.
Your head is on my stomach and we're in the bliss of everything; every touch, every kiss, every expression, every word.
I've been talking to my grandparents, dad, and mom again. I tried to push them all away but they push right back and want to stay and that's one good thing I have. I'm going to make this cloud above me disappear and be gone. I can feel a punch inside my heartbeat on the floor. Restarting the engine; let's get going.
The 19th comes so soon every month and I have the selfishness of not being strong enough. My father tells me to try to be responsible. My mother loves me but not the way he does. She looks out for me. She's not afraid to tell me when she thinks I'm being foolish. A mothers job never really stops, I've come to realize. Once you make that commitment, it's a 24/7 job for the rest of your life. Not a job necessarily but definitely something that takes hard work, long hours, and dedication. You have to know true love before you can raise a human being.
A little album with photographs from a life before the one she leads now used to sit in her office bookshelf. A moment when she loved to kiss someone else. She knew the truth about love and how no matter how true, sometimes the pages get torn or the entire sheet music gets tossed in a fire. She felt her heart tear and rip and watched it get mended over again when she opened herself to a new love. The endless cycle of sifting through everyone who could ever hurt you yet finding the one who is always worth fighting for. Because when they hurt you, you know it's because you care, there's something there. There's that string connecting your hearts and it's being tested. Everyone will hurt you in one way or another if you love them. It's a part of growing and experiencing different feelings, different emotions. You just have to find the right person to go on that journey with. Whether the road be paved or tattered, know that you will travel it only with the ones who care the most by your side, through it all.
We are each given a road. It's up to us as to who travels it with us.
My arms were wrapped around you and I was unaware of what I was beginning, what new path was about to be walked. You opened my eyes and let the beauty in. Now we're here, starting to realize what we're holding. So close. So far away. So exciting and new. We're frozen, speechless, and wondering what will happen next. I had a feeling this was going to lead somewhere amazing. My eyes wouldn't leave your smile, your eyes, your face, your hair, your hands, your body; you. My feet wouldn't touch the ground to walk away. My keys wouldn't go in the ignition right. Driving away, I felt the urge to push down on the break. Just one more smile, one more thought, one more kiss. Curfew was calling my name but I wanted to keep that moment, bottle it up and hide it away. Somewhere far where time doesn't matter anymore and it's just this moment, right here and now.
We talked about families and friends, entered into another person's world. I thought those doors were closed for me yet here you are, opening my mind and heart as easily as if you had the right key. You were hiding it, waiting for me.
Your head is on my stomach and we're in the bliss of everything; every touch, every kiss, every expression, every word.
I've been talking to my grandparents, dad, and mom again. I tried to push them all away but they push right back and want to stay and that's one good thing I have. I'm going to make this cloud above me disappear and be gone. I can feel a punch inside my heartbeat on the floor. Restarting the engine; let's get going.
The 19th comes so soon every month and I have the selfishness of not being strong enough. My father tells me to try to be responsible. My mother loves me but not the way he does. She looks out for me. She's not afraid to tell me when she thinks I'm being foolish. A mothers job never really stops, I've come to realize. Once you make that commitment, it's a 24/7 job for the rest of your life. Not a job necessarily but definitely something that takes hard work, long hours, and dedication. You have to know true love before you can raise a human being.
A little album with photographs from a life before the one she leads now used to sit in her office bookshelf. A moment when she loved to kiss someone else. She knew the truth about love and how no matter how true, sometimes the pages get torn or the entire sheet music gets tossed in a fire. She felt her heart tear and rip and watched it get mended over again when she opened herself to a new love. The endless cycle of sifting through everyone who could ever hurt you yet finding the one who is always worth fighting for. Because when they hurt you, you know it's because you care, there's something there. There's that string connecting your hearts and it's being tested. Everyone will hurt you in one way or another if you love them. It's a part of growing and experiencing different feelings, different emotions. You just have to find the right person to go on that journey with. Whether the road be paved or tattered, know that you will travel it only with the ones who care the most by your side, through it all.
We are each given a road. It's up to us as to who travels it with us.
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